Bloomwave Practice

Tag: Culture

  • Self-Objectification – How Seeing Ourselves Through Other’s Eyes Harms Mental Health

    Self-Objectification – How Seeing Ourselves Through Other’s Eyes Harms Mental Health

    If you’ve ever felt ashamed of your body, you are not alone. Body image issues are not just personal struggles, they are rooted in larger cultural systems. Shame is a powerful emotion – and a tool for social control – if we’re too busy being ashamed of ourselves, how can we show up for others

    Objectification is the act of treating a person primarily as a sexual object, rather than as an individual with a rich inner world. Unfortunately, being objectified in our patriarchal society is a universal problem, especially among women, AFAB and female-presenting individuals. It is also worth noting that body shame is more common in queer than in straight and cisgender men. Objectification experiences include sexually suggestive comments, harassment, catcalling, assault and exposure to hyper-sexualized images and messages online. Take, for example, the young girl being sent home from school because their clothes are seen as ‘too revealing’, effectively reducing her access to education that day.

    Self-objectification is the act of internalizing these ideas – seeing yourself (and your body) as something to be harshly judged and evaluated. This often begins already in early childhood, without us even noticing. And before you know it, you’re 21 years old and constantly monitoring your body, exercise and food intake – and comparing yourself to others, in real life and online.

    How does self-objectification harm us?

    Of course, you can think of the usual suspects – body shame, sexual problems, disordered eating or eating disorders and constant comparison with others, which may also lead to symptoms of depression and anxiety, and difficulty taking part in social activities, such as dinners out, or maybe an inability to deviate from a strict workout regime to join a friend’s birthday party.

    However, its effects can be even more insidious. There is research suggesting that increased levels of self-objectification may lead to worse performance on math tests, reduced assertiveness in communication, and even decreased likelihood of political activism. Therefore, being objectified, and internalizing this not only makes you feel unhappy as an individual, but can also hamper social change!

    Resisting objectification and learning to make peace with your body is therefore a form of activism, especially if you belong to a minority group.

    How can we help ourselves and each other?

    1. Avoid participating in the objectification of others yourself. Do not make comments about others’ bodies. Notice when judgement comes up.
    2. Try to also not talk negatively about your own body. This has been shown to breed insecurity in both yourself and your conversation partner.
    3. Notice your internalized objectification. Challenge and reframe your thoughts.
    4. Practice setting form boundaries and assertiveness – speak up against objectifying or negative body comments (when it’s safe to do so, of course!). Gently call out your friends or family.
    5. Limit media exposure. Especially in the age of social media, it is very easy to constantly get exposed to unhealthy beauty standards and sexualized content. Of course, we can’t completely prevent this, but try to notice when certain content is not serving you, and unfollow or mute the account.
    6. Seek therapy if you’re having a hard time navigating this on your own – it can be very challenging!

    How therapy can help

    Unlearning deep-seated beliefs can be very challenging, especially if you have to do it alone. A therapist can help you notice self-objectification and give you techniques to combat it. For example, you can learn to use cognitive-behavioral therapy techniques to challenge and reframe your thoughts about your body. Schema therapy helps you identify deep-rooted beliefs about yourself, and work towards not only seeing where they come from, but neutralizing them as well. In addition, you can work on self-compassion and learn to set boundaries with others.

    Self-objectification is not a personal or moral failing – it’s learned. And unlearning it can give you so much more freedom, peace and energy to demand change.

    References

    Butler (1990). Gender Trouble, Feminism and the Subversion of Identity.

    Fredrickson et al. (1998). That swimsuit becomes you: Sex differences in self-objectification, restrained eating, and math performance.

    Schaefer et al. (2018). Self-objectification, body shame, and disordered eating: Testing a core mediational model of objectification theory among White, Black, and Hispanic women.

  • Get into awe

    Get into awe

    Feeling stuck, disconnected, depressed? Unsure what you want from life, unfulfilled, but don’t know what to do about it?

    Let me ask you this: have you ever felt a sense of completeness, fulfilment or peace standing while looking at a beautiful sunset or at a concert, completely mesmerized by the sense of community along with the music you grew up with? Then, you have experienced awe. Awe as am emotion arises when we encounter something vast or ‘beyond us’ – think nature, collective gatherings, music, art, spiritual experiences, birth or death, or psychedelic experiences, for example. Awe makes you stop, wonder, and forget about yourself and your daily routine or annoyance for a second, and helps you see the bigger picture.

    There is research out there suggesting that experiencing awe can increase both our mental and physical wellbeing.

    A study by Monroy & Keltner (2022) proposed five pathways to how this works:

    1. Physiological changes – in simple terms, awe reduces the activation of our sympathetic nervous system (this means your fight or flight response), increases the production of oxytocin (the love hormone) and reduces signs of inflammation in the body.
    2. Reduced focus on yourself – feeling like you’re a part of something bigger rather then focusing on your imperfections
    3. Increase in prosocial behaviour – this means increased generosity and helping others, which make you feel much better, too!
    4. Increased feeling of connection with others – and this common humanity increases our empathy and helps us connect with our social environment.
    5. Increased sense of purpose or meaning in life – again, seeing the bigger picture!

    Awe experiences thus reduce anxiety, depression and stress – and promote optimism, resilience and a sense of connection and meaning in life – the antidote to disconnection! Additionally, a reduction in physical stress can lead to improved cardiovascular health and longevity.

    Of course, these experiences can be rare, especially in our fast-paced society – who’s got the time to slow down and really take in our surroundings? Well, I say – make time. For your own good, and for your loved ones and society at large.

    But how?

    1. Seek out awe experiences, big and small. Below is an example list of things to try:

    • Spend time in nature – This could mean taking a holiday, or simply going for a bike ride or walk near where you live. It can be especially powerful if you live in a big city, or where there aren’t a lot of opportunities for getting away (The Netherlands is great – but we do have a lack of forests!)
    • Go to a concert – Either with friends or by yourself, the experience of listening to your favorite music alongside others who feel the same way, can make you feel more connected to humanity, almost like a trance-like state.
    • Watch the sunrise or sunset on a beach – While this may require either getting up very early or going to bed late. the payoff is great.
    • Look at the starts and constellations at night – For night owls, or if you can’t sleep, this can help you feel more connected to the universe, and see yourself as just one amazing part of it.
    • Attend an art installation – Creativity elicits awe, and it might even awaken your own desire to create!
    • Listen to music loudly at night – Bonus points if it’s while you’re walking alone (as long as it’s safe, of course), or dancing in your room
    • Share, or listen to stories of great human achievement or kindness – With so much tragedy in the world, sometimes it’s nice to tune out of that and look on the other side.

    2. Practice mindfulness and being truly present in the moment – so you don’t miss out on everyday wonders!

    Awe is course only one piece of a very complicated puzzle. Improving your mental health is not straightforward and never one-size-fits all. In addition to increasing everyday wonder, you might also want to seek therapy and learn new skills. In addition, if you are very stuck or depressed, even the most beautiful of sunsets may fail to evoke the coveted feeling of awe. However, if you can, try it. It might just improve your outlook.

    References

    Monroy, M., & Keltner, D. (2023). Awe as a Pathway to Mental and Physical Health. Perspectives in Psychological Science.

  • Social Learning (And More!)

    Social Learning (And More!)

    I am going to tell you a personal story about food and ask you to bear with me – it’s relevant, I promise!

    Growing up in post-Soviet Estonia, I had a lot of experiences that I’ve found only fellow Eastern-Europeans can relate to, but one of the more trivial things I’ve been thinking about lately is just how little I knew about food – as something other than basic sustenance. My parents, bless them, grew up in conditions of lack and therefore, among other things, got used to a diet of potatoes and plain white rice. They both worked full-time throughout my childhood and found no joy in culinary endeavors. What’s more, anything new and exciting was regarded as suspicious, or even dangerous.

    And that is how I found myself the subject of many strange looks from roommates when they watched me eat plain pasta during my studies, how I learned that a salad can actually include a dressing and need not be a simple concoction of cucumber and tomatoes. All at the ripe age of 20-25!

    What was going on here? Social learning.

    I had not been exposed to much, so I simply was unaware of what else is out there. Additionally, from a young age, I learned that any new foods are not to be trusted. So, at the start of my adult life, I followed the same principles. That, along with the fact that like my parents, I derived no joy from cooking, left me eating a pretty sad ‘white girl’ diet, devoid of any spice, splash, or joy.

    Social learning, however, also took me to the other side. I’ve had the joy of meeting people passionate about food, of meeting people from different cultures who introduced me to their cuisine, of finally learning to cook for myself. And my god, what I was missing out on! It turns out that I’m not even a picky eater in the slightest.

    I tell this story as it is a great illustrator of several important concepts in therapy, and in life. Through no fault of our own, we not only have preferences, but also biases and learned ways of behaving.

    1. Your upbringing plays an incredibly major role in who you become. In my example, the problem wasn’t just that I was not exposed to other cuisines, it was also that anything different was actively shunned. Food is quite innocuous, of course, but what if you’re shamed for how you look or how you act? What if you learn harmful behaviours, such as aggression or emotional suppression? And even further, what if you learn harmful beliefs about others in a racist, sexist or homophobic home, for example?
    2. The good news is that what’s learned can be unlearned – and if your beliefs are actively harming you, others, or groups of people, I might even argue that it is your responsibility to unlearn them. For me, it took some time, but thanks to the right social conditions (friends with culinary talent) and encouragement, I got over my fear of anything spicy or joyful. While it is true that I am still not am amazing cook, I am now willing to think outside the box. Similarly, one can unlearn
    3. For this unlearning to take place, you need to be able to get out of your comfort zone. I was fine eating plain pasta and unseasoned chicken breast. Comfortable. But seeing now, what all would I have missed out on had I not dared to try. Growth is always uncomfortable, and whether it’s adding a singular red pepper to your food (scandalous!) or unlearning deep-seated beliefs about yourself and the world, it’s always worth it.

    I am going to leave you with a well-known example.

    Steve has learned to hide his emotions and always seem strong from an early age, mostly due to societal conditioning and ideas about masculinity. He therefore, after experiencing a traumatic event, is less likely to seek therapy and views it as something that is meant for people who have ‘something wrong with them’. However, Steve meets a new group of friends during his studies, many of whom are male and go to therapy, and encourage him to do so as well. He becomes interested, and contacts a therapist. Even though he is very sceptical, he decides to give it a try for at least 4 sessions. It takes him a while to warm up, but luckily the therapist is very encouraging and takes their time, and slowly Steve finds the experience more and more helpful, and is glad he took the first step And this is exactly how different social norms and a skilled therapist helped Steve get over his fear of going to therapy, and he is now even beginning to question other societal messages of what a ‘masculine man’ should look like.

    Generation preferences, biases and trauma are deep-rooted, but can be unlearned, to great benefits. And therapy is a wonderful place to explore that, whether you’re looking to learn to eat different foods, or working though some serious problems, support is always available.

  • Cultural Lens of the Therapist

    The cultural lens refers to the way a therapist’s own cultural background, values, and lived experiences influence their perspective on mental health, relationships, and emotional well-being. No one operates in a vacuum—both therapists and clients bring their unique cultural identities, beliefs, and biases into the therapeutic space.

    When these factors align well, therapy can be a transformative and deeply validating experience. When they don’t, misunderstandings can occur that impact the therapeutic relationship and treatment outcomes. While of course, your therapist does not need to share your cultural background, it might help if they do, and if you’re lucky enough to find one, it can be a better experience than, for example, speaking to someone who has no personal experience with it. However, this is not always possible, which is why finding a culturally competent therapist is so important, someone who is aware of and adapting to your specific needs.

    This lens affects:

    ✔ How mental health symptoms are understood (e.g., is distress framed as an individual issue, a relational problem, or a societal challenge?)
    ✔ How emotions and coping strategies are perceived (e.g., is crying seen as a healthy release, or a sign of dysfunction?)
    ✔ What is considered “healthy” or “normal” in different cultural and psychological contexts
    ✔ How therapy techniques are applied (e.g., an emphasis on self-exploration vs. practical solutions)

    A self-aware therapist acknowledges their own cultural lens and how it might shape their biases and therapeutic approach. They are able to adjust their framework to better understand and support their clients’ unique experiences rather than imposing their own perspectives onto the client.

    Why This Matters

    🔹 Alignment of values can enhance connection. If a therapist and client share similar values or life experiences, it can create a natural sense of trust and understanding.

    🔹 Unexamined biases can create disconnect. If a therapist unconsciously views a client’s way of thinking or coping as “wrong” based on their own worldview, the client may not feel heard.

    🔹 Cultural self-awareness improves adaptability. A therapist who is aware of their own assumptions and biases can be more flexible and responsive to clients with different perspectives.

    Common Cultural Gaps in Therapy (And How to Bridge Them)

    Sometimes, therapists and clients come from very different cultural or psychological perspectives, which can create misunderstandings. Below are some common cultural gaps and ways therapists can bridge them.

    1. Different Views on Emotional Expression

    In Western psychology, verbalizing emotions is often seen as healing, but in some cultures, keeping emotions private is a sign of strength. A therapist needs to therefore recognize when emotional expression is helpful and when it is uncomfortable for a client.

    🔹 Bridge the gap: Instead of assuming clients should “open up” in a certain way, therapists can explore different methods of expression, such as journaling, creative arts, or mindfulness practices.

    2. Individual vs. Collective Worldview

    Some clients (especially from Western cultures) prioritize self-exploration, independence, and personal growth. Others (from collectivist cultures) may prioritize family, community, and social harmony over individual needs. A therapist unfamiliar with these values might push for “self-discovery” when the client actually wants guidance on navigating relationships and responsibilities.

    🔹 Bridge the gap: Therapists can explore how clients define well-being and adjust interventions accordingly, rather than applying a one-size-fits-all approach.

    3. Stigma Around Therapy

    In some cultures, seeking therapy may be seen as a last resort for severe illness, rather than a proactive step toward well-being. Some clients may therefore feel hesitant or guilty about seeking support.

    🔹 Bridge the gap: A therapist can normalize therapy by framing it as a strength-based process and emphasizing its role in personal growth, stress management, and resilience-building.

    Finding a Culturally Competent Therapist

    If you’re seeking therapy, consider:

    ✅ Does this therapist understand my background and values?
    ✅ Do they seem open to different ways of thinking and healing?
    ✅ Are they self-aware about their own perspective and potential biases?
    ✅ Do I feel seen, respected, and understood in our sessions?

    Therapists don’t have to share your exact identity or experiences to be effective—but they do need to be culturally aware, adaptable, and committed to understanding your perspective.

    So, if you’re looking for a psychologist in The Netherlands who emphasizes cultural humility and an individualized approach—Bloomwave has you covered. Whether you’re dealing with symptoms of depression, anxiety, overwhelm or conflict in your relationships, help is available.