“You just need to try harder. Focus better. Be more motivated”.
Discipline, effort, pushing through, doing whatever it takes. How many of us have constantly been surrounded by these types of messages, and how many of us talk to ourselves that way? With self-improvement culture and the “lock-in” mentality on the rise (especially on social media), it can feel incredibly frustrating when ‘just trying harder’ seems to not bring you any closer to your goals, and definitely nowhere near happiness or satisfaction. This rings especially true for those of us who are neurodivergent (ADHD and/or autism), and/or dealing with mental illness such as depression or anxiety.
This blog post aims to help you collaborate with your brain to help you reach your goals as sustainably as possible, be it related to work or study, or healthy living. I will explain the mechanisms of the brain, how to take these into account, and touch upon individual differences, and how to optimize to what works for you, not for your neighbor or colleague.
What you need to know about the brain
1. It is predictive
One of the key insights from modern neuroscience is that the brain works primarily as a prediction machine. Rather than waiting for input and then reacting, the brain constantly generates predictions about what will happen next, based on past experience.
Why this matters:
- When your brain anticipates danger (e.g., social rejection), you feel anxiety before a real threat is present.
- If your history tells your brain that a goal is overwhelming, risky, or likely to fail, it will generate resistance, even if you consciously want the outcome.
How to work with this:
To change the prediction, generate opportunities for your brain to get instant feedback:
- Break down big tasks into small, actionable steps
- Focus on actions that are within your control, not outcomes you can’t influence
2. The brain favors familiarity and safety
Brains are wired for efficiency and safety, so your goals compete with existing patterns. Neural pathways that fire often are easier to activate than new ones, even if they lead to distress. This is related to neural plasticity. It works both ways: repeated patterns become stronger with use, new patterns need repeated, consistent practice to form.
This is why:
- Change feels uncomfortable, and new habits are hard to adopt.
- Relapse into old habits (think: smoking, self-criticism, avoidance) is common.
- We may stay in relationships, careers or other situations even when they are clearly not working for us, or even actively harming us.
- Negative thinking patterns feel permanent, because they’re well-practiced
How to work with this:
Attach new goals to existing routines, the less ‘novel’ a goal feels, the easier it will be to implement:
- Stack new behaviors onto existing habits (‘habit stacking’). This could mean combining brushing your teeth with flossing, for example.
- Keep the structure similar even if the content is new – this could mean keeping your general daily routine the same, but changing up the tasks.
- Remind yourself that it will become easier and easier as you keep at it.
3. Willpower is a limited resource
The popular belief that change is all about willpower is at odds with what science tells us about self-regulation. Willpower is finite resource that gets depleted under stress, fatigue, and strong emotions.
This explains why:
- Goals that only rely on self-control tend to fail as stress inevitably increases.
- Motivation is hard to fine if you lack sleep or adequate nutrition.
- Decisions feel harder after a long day.
How to work with it:
Design your environment, systems and routines that reduce the need to make decisions:
- Reduce friction for habits you want to implement (for example, setting out your workout clothes the night before)
- Increase friction for habits you want to reduce (for example, by uninstalling apps that impair your focus)
- Automate reminders and planning where possible
Individual differences
What is even more important than following any generalized advice, is figuring out, and implementing, what works best for you. No two brains are exactly the same, and figuring out ways to tweak and customize is going to be a lot more effective than trying to fit some kind of mold.
When your brain works differently than the ‘default’
A major way people end up working against their brains is through internalized shame, which is the belief that something is wrong with them because their natural rhythms, needs, or capacities don’t align with what society rewards.
A clear example of this is chronotype: whether you are naturally a morning person or an evening person.
Research shows that chronotype is largely biologically determined, influenced by genetics, circadian rhythm regulation, and age. Yet modern society strongly favors early schedules: early workdays, early school start times, productivity culture framed around mornings. As a result, evening-oriented people are often labelled as lazy, undisciplined, or unmotivated, even if they actually just do their best work at different times.
Neurodivergence – accommodating to the brain you have
If you have ADHD or autism, ‘working against the brain’ may look like forcing neurotypical standards of productivity, emotion regulation or focus.
Examples include:
- Expecting sustained attention without any breaks
- Ignoring sensory overload or sensitivity
- Using rigid routines that don’t account for differences in energy levels throughout the day
How to work with this:
1. Educate and identify
The first step is to educate yourself on your own neurodivergence: find resources online, consult with an expert, or take a look at some scientific research.
Then, try keeping track of your energy and productivity levels. Rather than asking ‘why am I like this’, ask yourself: ‘what conditions do I need to help my brain function better?’
2. Build routines
Based on what you learned about yourself, create predictable daily routines, while avoiding rigid templates that can make you feel stuck.
- Establish consistent schedules and plan either for the day or week ahead. See if you can find a consistent sleep, exercise and nutrition schedule as well.
- Make use of time blocking techniques – group similar activities, build ‘buffer time’ between tasks, make visual systems.
Additional tips:
- Make use of external supports: reminders, calendars, to-do lists, timers, body doubling, etc.
- Allow yourself to move around or stim as needed
- Reduce sensory overload by using noise cancelling headphones, going to a quieter environment, etc.
3. Focus on lifestyle habits
When your body gets what it needs, it becomes much easier to work towards your goals.
Get enough sleep, and work with your natural circadian rhythm, where possible. Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day.
Nourish your body with a varied diet, learn what foods help you focus when, and time your carbohydrate, protein and caffeine consumption accordingly.
Get enough exercise – physical activity is a natural dopamine regulation, which is the neurotransmitter you need for higher motivation and productivity.
Plan rest and stress management – this could be taking walks, mindfulness or meditation.
How I apply this in my own life:
Habit stacking – For example, if I already get up to do my dishes, I try to add another task, such as folding laundry. I find that easier than siting back down, and then having to get up to fold the laundry again.
Working with my circadian rhythm – I am an evening-type, so I don’t schedule any work before 10am, and try to use my ‘high-productivity window’ to plan my most challenging work. I also try to keep my sleep schedule as consistent as I can.
Writing everything down – when I have a lot to do, I know my brain can’t hold it all, so I write down all my tasks, creative ideas, or grocery shopping lists.
Utilizing to-do lists – weekly and monthly – I keep two to-do lists on my phone, where it’s easily accessible, to avoid getting overwhelmed. My weekly to-do list includes high-priority tasks with closer deadlines, and my monthly to-do list helps me keep track of more longer-term projects.
Keeping my calendar updated and organized – I love my Google calendar, and I make sure it’s well-organized and color coded with different categories. I put down all my work tasks, therapy sessions or meetings, as well as social gatherings and workouts. This way, I know exactly what my week is going to look like ahead of time.
Planning and preparing my meals in advance – I often have a hard time with coming up with something to make on short notice, so I make sure I either know what I am going to cook, or meal prep in advance if I know I won’t have time on certain days.
Starting my day with the task I am most likely to put off – as I know willpower fades throughout the day, I try to capitalize on the moment it’s the highest, which for me is at the beginning of the day. For me, phone calls can be difficult, and if I get it out of the way first thing in the day, I then have a lot more brainpower to focus on other tasks.
10-minute rule – I have to try for 10 minutes, and if it still feels impossible, I post-pone the task.
Using blocker apps + do not disturb mode – I have all my social media blocked, and my phone on do not disturb when I need to focus, which usually is during the day. In the evening, when it’s time to rest, I have any apps I need for work blocked or closed, ensuring my stress levels come down.
Note: I am a major planner, so having routines and structures helps me tremendously. For some, planning so much in advance can feel paralyzing, so it’s really about using trial and error to figure out what is most optimal for you.
In summary, working with your brain means:
- Focusing on what you can control
- Designing goals the generate feedback
- Reducing reliance on willpower
- Figuring out what works for you, and adjusting/accommodating accordingly
- Avoiding shaming or criticizing yourself
It can feel overwhelming to try to figure this out on your own, and seeking therapy can be a great way to figure out what works, and how to make it stick.
References
Barkley, R. A. (2015). Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: A handbook for diagnosis and treatment.
Clark, A. (2013). Whatever next? Predictive brains, situated agents, and the future of cognitive science.
Yuste, R., & Church, G. (2014). The new century of the brain.
Treadway, M. T., & Zald, D. H. (2011). Reconsidering anhedonia in depression: lessons from translational neuroscience
Ratey, J. J. (2008). Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain
Baumeister, R. F., et al. (1998). Ego depletion: Is the active self a limited resource?
Robertson, C. E., & Baron-Cohen, S. (2017). Sensory perception in autism